I know, you might have read many books in Psychology and have made many changes in your life. Living in quarantine might be an option where you are deprived of the things that you want to do and achieve in your life. But however, I have been telling in most of my articles here – where there is will, there is a way. Your want and desire of something is so strong that it can transform to the person you are. But still, most of the people face additional problems every moment while developing their personality. Sometimes, there might even occur a situation of existential crisis to you. Some most vulnerable might also face problems with their essential needs. Remember, there are still aspirants who are struggling to get proper advice and are just so withered away and shattered by following all nonsense advices which might be false or are inexperienced.
Dear reader, I will present you here with some mind strengthening things that will assist all the way in your life, not just in preparing for a fabulous personality for SSB. What all I covered here is the essence of all the teachings that you have received from various books. What all you are reading is everything. I don’t say that you change after reading this, but I will say that you will change if you follow this. Not just following, but religiously following these. Have a read. Dip each and every sentence in your head properly and nourish your brain. You have learnt too much. It’s time to unlearn.
Why are you surprisingly hard to understand?
Let’s say for suppose you are having a good conversation with one of your friends and suddenly you say something awkward. You really didn’t mean to say it, but it accidentally slipped your tongue. These kinds of situations, if I am not wrong, you might have faced many times in your life. Also, you don’t even know, that most of the time while you were conversing with one of your friends, you were also looking at his words and taking his views in a way in which you want to.
So, what I want to put here is, PEOPLE WILL SEE YOU THE WAY “THEY” WANT TO. They do not wish, and they cannot try to see you the way you are. And this, according to Psychology, is known as “Confirmation Bias”.
Also, to be kept in simple terms: You always fall prey to two main assumptions (remember, I used the word “assumptions”):
- That other people see us “as objectively as we are”; and
- That other person sees us “as we see ourselves”.
But you know what’s the more interesting fact? Your perceivers don’t even agree with each other on what they see in us. The way your mother sees you is different from how your father sees you. And every different friend of yours, every known person you are aware of, will have a personified dimension, a personal picture of yours in their head. This is known as “Transparency Illusion”. They see you “the way they want to see”. Remember that. And also, do not forget, that even you were seeing people “the way you want to see”. You never tried to see them “the way they actually are”. This simple thing in life causes tremendous difference in personality. Every time you were at SSB, you were watching and observing things the way you want to see. Not the way they actually were.
“To look your progress, do not see how far you need to go – its never ending. Always look at how far you have reached – you will understand. Don’t look outside for your enlightenment. Look inside. There is always an answer inside you.”
Is the first impression the best impression?
Indomitably and undoubtedly YES. A big wide exemplifying YES. And Psychologists call this as “Primacy Effect”. This is the main reason why still your parents treat you like you are a kid. They still have an experience and you are inexperienced, innocent and sometimes, very irritable and indignant. And these early impressions of a person are so hard and so powerful that it becomes extremely difficult for us to picture a person properly in our head “the way he is”, rather than “the way we think he is”.
And that is the sole reason why at SSB, you are supposed to maintain proper dignity and you are expected to have some good physique. (Not just that, but maintaining physique is something crucial in case of armed forces). So how to overcome these? Stop stereotyping. Do not assume a personality by his/her clothing or dressing or the way he/she speaks and all. You never know the reality.
There is also a thing known as “Halo effect”. This means that if you find a person beautiful or attractive or handsome or charming, you might even assume that he might be good in many other things too. Isn’t it? This is also another form of stereotyping.
Everybody does it. I’m not so different.
This is another form of self-destruction. Let me explain. You see people who quickly lose their tempers, who cheat on their payment of taxes, who smoke, drink, take drugs, overestimate frequency with which others give in to these temptations and all. And when someone asks you why you are doing these, your most generic answer – “Everybody does it. I’m not so different.” Again, now tell me, who gave you statistics? And what is the need for you to opt them if everybody does it? Isn’t this a form of lack of officer like qualities in you? Think!
Overall, the above three headlines are the most basic things I can tell you, that even after reading so many books, you aren’t aware of. (might be!) But I also present some key points here to you that you have to follow to avoid these three problems always popping up in your head.
Here we go:
- Always have will power. The more you have it, the more you prosper.
- Trusting is a tricky game. Trust others first if you want them to trust you.
- Beware of over-confidence. It is a slow poison. It kills by crushing you every moment.
- Always adopt a power pose. Be responsible for what you do.
- To gain leadership, focus on warmth and good words rather than competency.
- People are more impressed by your potential than your track record. Even though you have a million degrees, only that person will get the job who really is worth of it.
- Power is asymmetrical over desired resources. Powerful people make decisions, powerless people get to live with the results for not making any decisions.
- Being humble in accomplishments is okay. But willing to own up for one’s own past wrong doings and current difficulties is something remarkable in creating belief.
- Always remember: some people don’t just want to be seen positively by others – “they want to be seen the way they see themselves.”
- Some people have “rejection sensitivity”: the perceiver (1) expects to be rejected, (2) is quick to perceive rejections as ambiguous things, and then (3) overacts to rejection. With these sorts of people, any discussion will be an argument. Avoid these and do not be one among these.
Once you are able to recognize these things in your personality, no one can stop you from growing. Change for your life, not just for SSB. If SSB is your goal, the moment you go Academy, you will wonder and will not be able to take any sort of burden to your head – something very crippling but true. Please be conscious about yourself and learn how to grow. Everything is in your hands. Remember that!
Sources: Works by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev and most importantly, a serving officer of Indian Army. And yes, I have added my masalas too.